Perceived Cliques in the Lifestyle

Background: there was a question on Reddit about cliques in the lifestyle and how difficult or discouraging it is to navigate them. This is my modified response.

We've been in the Dallas scene for about 4 years, and we've definitely noticed the "cliques". Clique IS the most appropriate word, despite its perceived severity. But, there really isn't a lifestyle appropriate word that conveys a group of people who have found their comfort zone. The way I understand the dynamics of people around here is best summarized by classifying people into several groups. ​

​The first group enjoys the club-party scene. Loud, thumping music, dim sexy lighting, bumping and grinding on the dance floor with people who may be open to bumping and grinding on the couches or back rooms later. Maybe a little bit of the drug culture, but not necessarily. Very "in the moment" experience driven. ​

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The next group is the large house party scene. Similar in nature to the clubs, but lower volumes on the music allows people to chat a little more, "get to know" each other. Often, the hosts and guests actively network on sites, travel events, or visit the club scene to bring in people they feel comfortable with into their homes. Hookups happen there, but they also facilitate info exchange for scheduled play dates with more private settings. ​

Another group sticks with the occasional couples date organized through swingers dating websites. Every aspect of browsing profiles, chatting with potential playmates, primping and prepping for the date, and the date itself are all part of the experience. They hook-up once, or maybe a few times, a year and stay with that formula. ​It's an occasional indulgence rather than an every weekend lifestyle.

And another group, the high society, is comfortable with their hush hush soirees and being exclusive to their socio-economic class. They are used to certain levels of sophistication, fine-dining, and entertainment. They are accustomed to having people around them that share their ideals and passions, quite similarly to...

​the blue-to-red collar group that feels comfortable celebrating their heritage around a bonfire in their camo-everything,tplanning their "Rednecks with Paychecks" types of events and making quality, LED lit  stripper poles. ​

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And then there are pockets of people who try all of that, and meet one or two people from each group they like. However, the club isn't really their scene. And house parties full people they aren't really into is a little taxing. They're somewhere between high society and prideful simplicity. They just, are... And they find others who "are" comfortably the same.
​They become friends much like anyone else has friends. They hangout, go to dinners/movies/sporting events/museums/top golf/etc with their friends. Sometimes hook-up, but there isn't any pressure to. ​Those pockets of people, have just found "their" people and that's what makes them most comfortable.

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There is nothing wrong with any of these groups. They have their wonderful personalities in all of them. They have their fun just as much as the next group. Sometimes they can be a bit exclusive, but that's only because they hope to maintain their harmony and safety.

Focus on having fun with your spouse, and the right people will take notice. No matter where you are, or who you are meeting. That's really the key. A happy couple is irresistible to other happy couples. 

Author

Daniel is a pan-sexual, open-lifestyle advocate and event-organizer who has used his appearance on PlayboyTV, with wife, Nikki, to commit to being the voice for the unprotected class of non-traditional relationships.